AVOID EGO ATTACKS

I've alluded a few times in previous posts how urgently important it is to avoid ego attacks at ALL costs when involved in a heated argument.  Let me expand on that idea a bit.  Couples/families can disagree and even argue on virtually any topic/issue and have their relationship remain relatively intact when it is over (all other things being equal); however, when one or more get off issue and onto personal attacks (in order to "score points"), they will inflict irreparable harm upon each other and upon the relationship.  

What are ego attacks?  Anything that verbally diminishes the value of the other person: sarcasm, hurtful comments regarding appearance, intellect, family heritage, weight, habits, etc., as well as continually dredging up the past in unhealthy ways.  Basically, "You" statements, spoken with anger- "You are so... (fill in the blank)."  The writer of Proverbs says that the power of life and death resides in the tongue and we need to be people who are best known for speaking life into everyone, especially those closest to us.

When I coached debate in the seventies and eighties, I noticed a tendency for the better teams to engage in ego attacks upon their opponents when they sensed that they were losing the round (Sorta like politicians do nowadays).  I told my teams that if I ever saw them doing that, I would forfeit the round and we would go home the losers, even if it were in the state finals.  I wanted them to win on issues- not condescension.  If I felt that strongly about ego attacks in debate, you can imagine my feelings regarding it in marriage and family.

A quarter century ago, we had a young lady come for counseling with anorexia nervosa.  Although she weighed a mere 79 pounds, she saw herself as fat.  She recalled a time when she was eleven years old and her dad- a verbally abusive man- screamed a her: "I don't see what the boys see in you anyway, as fat as you are!!"  Sixteen years later, at 79 pounds, she still clung to her daddy's assessment of her.  Sad isn't it.  The power of life or death resides in the tongue.  I urge you, for the sake of your family, CHOOSE LIFE!!